I don't want any pity, I just really need to get something off my chest.
When people ask how many kids I have I stumble and am not sure what to say. Three is the correct answer and expecting my forth. But if I tell people I have three and they only see two there are questions. Not that I am opposed to tell them about Simon what I am opposed to is the pitiful looks that come across peoples faces or them trying to come up with something to say or the apologises. Yes it is sad and sometimes it still hurts. But I know that I will be with Simon again. I know that he was so perfect he only came to earth to get a body. He is our little angel watching over us. When I tell people I have two, it hurts, I feel like I'm lying. I held Simon just like I held Ben and Seth when they were born. I saw all ten toes and all ten fingers. He is my baby whether or not he is still here. I don't know how to answer a question that is so simple for most people. How many kids do you have?
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5 comments:
I can only imagine how dificult it is to find the appropriate response. Justin's Mom & Dad had their first two babies (seperate pregnancies) early at 7 months gestation & they only lived for a few days. This was an extremely hard thing for them. But 40 plus years down the line when people ask how many children they have they say 4 (they have 6 including the first two) I imagine they still think of the two but it has brought them comfort to not have to relive the pain of their loss every time they have to answer this very common question.
I really wish you the best with finding the right answer for you & your family.
I think you should say whatever you are most comfortable with. I don't think there is a right or wrong answer. He is your child and so saying 3 and pregnant with 4is fine or if you want to avoid having that conversation and just say 3 I don't think that is wrong either. You are so strong and amazing! We miss you!
Say "three and one on the way." I understand how hard that question is. There have been a few times that I said "one" and I felt like crying afterwards. I have found, for me, it is easier to have them say I aam sorry than for me to feel so horrible. I am proud to be Scott's mommy and I want everyone to know about all my boys. I hope this helps a little.
I have had this conversation with a few people and it seems that all of us who have experienced the loss of a child feel very bad when we don't include them in "the count" to the general public.
When people ask me how many siblings I have, I say 14 living. It works for me, but, like you, I don't want to say 14 because the other 2 are still a part of my family so I say 14 living. Then if they ask I can tell them that 2 passed away. so maybe you can say 2 living. ??? Hope that helps.
Jill what a wonderful missionary tool! That is what I thought of when I read your blog. Just the other day one of Ryan's co-workers was over our house with her family. I was going to watch her daughter during the day but things did not work out. Anyway they have two girls and the older girl made a comment about how they had a baby brother and the mom really did not want to talk about it, but the daugher kept on asking questions. I wanted so much to tell her that she would be able to see him again, but I did not know how she would take it from someone who has a boy. You are courageous and AWESOME!! You could say: 3 here right now (with a smile) and (either think or say) one is waiting patiently for us to finish our journey or something like that. Sorry if this sounds stupid, but it is what came to mind. Good Luck with everything!!
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